Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

wishing you a Christmas full of love & joy

love, the longhursts

bracken·skye·hayes·kamri

All I want for Christmas

is a cast and an arm sling...

Kamri now matches her Grandpa Paul who just got shoulder surgery. She ditched the sling after a few minutes of it though. I'm sure you're all wondering what happened and so are we. Here's the story.

Kamri was playing in the grandparents basement with the cousins. It's grand kid paradise down there with all the toys (and parent paradise that the kids are so entertained). We we upstairs when we heard a scream that outlasted the usual "kids fighting over toys" scream and was a little more sad then the "they hit me scream" so we headed down to see what was the matter. Kamri was screaming and for good reason! Poor girl had a huge goose egg between her knuckles and it was bruised all over. We didn't know what happened though so put our detective skills to work and interviewed Cohen the 5-year-old "eyewitness" and he said, "he was playing in the corner with the dump trucks by hisself and just started screaming." (We let him off the hook for not knowing the gender of the victim and went to check out the corner.)

He was right about dump trucks being in that corner but we couldn't figure out how she'd get that big of a bruise from them. There were some little exercise weights on a speaker in the corner also and some of them were on the floor so we decided that she was playing with them and one of them fell on her hand. Bracken, fresh out of his first semester of law school determined that Kamri could sue for Negligence on our part but we hope she decides not to bite the hands that feed her.

We gave her some children's Motrin and she fell asleep on Bracken's shoulder. We waited a few hours and the swelling had gone down but it still looked pretty bad so we headed to the Instacare just to make sure she didn't break anything. The doctor determined there was a fracture but in the bone in her hand below her pinkie. (There is a more precise term for it if someone would like to remind me..5th mandible? ok I made that up) Surprisingly not where the bruising was. The put a little splint on her hand & arm and wrapped it up with an ace bandage. She was screaming the whole time the nurses or doctor got close to her. As soon as the nurses were walking out of the room she went from screaming terror to smiling as she enthusiastically said "bye!"

We made an appointment the next morning with the orthopedist to get a cast. He looked over the x-rays and determined that she could just keep this softcast on and in a week we have to take her to the doctor and get a boxing glove type thing that will give her more movement but still protect her bone. So bottom line, if you have to break a bone it is an okay one to break since it heals easily.

Kamri hasn't slowed down with it. It is sad but funny to watch her try and eat left handed but she's getting pretty good at it. She's still running with all the kids and trying to climb on everything. Hopefully we won't have anymore mishaps this year...I can hope since we only have a week left.

Oh yeah and on the way to the Instacare we clipped the back legs of a deer, it didn't kill the deer or dent our car, so how our lives are going right now we won't even categorize that as a mishap. In fact Bracken and I just started laughing, what else can happen to us?! (.....please something good!)

Grateful for Moms!

My mom, Ruth, came and picked up Hayes & Kamri while I was in the hospital and took care of them. Then drove them to Vegas so I could see them at home and drove me back up to Cedar to take care of me and the kids while Bracken was studying & taking some finals. She packed us all up, did our laundry and kept us fed. Bracken's mom, Denise came down this week to stay with us so we could be at home and see Bracken a little more during this last week of finals. She came down Sunday and flew out last night. We're so glad you came down!! Especially me! She cleaned the house, chased the kids, played with them and let me be the lazy cripple.

I'm so thankful for both of our moms! They are both great examples to me of what Mothers should be. I hope I can grow up to be like both of them. I'm so grateful that they selflessly put their lives' on hold to come down and take care of ours and help us get through my recovery and Bracken's final weeks. We love you both!

By the way, his last final is tomorrow at 1pm and then he'll have no school for five weeks! WAHOO!

Kamri Girl

Bracken's mom, Denise, got Kamri dressed in pants. She took her pants off and put on a skirt. Then she went into my closet and found the red shoes. Top it off with my purse she found in the kitchen and she was ready for a photo shoot.

Some other things about Kamri at 18 months that I always want to remember:

• Her tight squeeze hugs and random kisses. She'll just run up to you and kiss your leg or arm.
• How she makes a kissy noise after you say "I love you"
• She says "Dank you!" After you hand her something, no matter what it is, even if she didn't ask for it.
• Whenever she hands you something she says "er you go" (Here you go)
• She holds up her pointer finger (trying to do a thumbs up) and says "Deal!!"
• If she knows Bracken or I are getting ready to leave she'll find our shoes and follow us around to give us hugs goodbye.
• If she knows she is leaving she finds her shoes and points to her jacket until you put it on her.
• She is a good little eater, usually eats her meal and finishes up Hayes'.
• She goes down easy for naps as long as she has a book and some "wa-wa" (water)
• She repeats so many words we say and although it doesn't always sound like it, it impresses me that she trys. One of my favorites was Kangaroo. The only part that sounds remotely like it is the ending. "Dagange-ROO"
• She loves purses and will turn anything closing resembling a bag into one.
• She is always trying to put on more clothes, including Hayes' underwear over her clothes.
• She loves shoes, this morning before we left she had changed into three different pairs.
• She cries for Hayes if he isn't in the room when she wakes up
• Whatever Hayes does, she tries to do and gets frustrated when she can't.
• Hayes & Kamri play well together and give each other big hugs
• After we say prayers at night, Hayes gives Bracken a "huge, ginormous hug" and Kamri is always close behind with a doggy pile.
• She loves to jump off the endtable on to the couch. Really she likes to jump off most anything to someone which gets her in trouble sometimes when they aren't looking.
• She has now started to have an opinion about a few things and throws the full body, face-to-the-floor, screaming tantrum if she doesn't get her way.
• When Hayes says he needs to go potty and runs to the bathroom, she goes running behind him yelling "poop! poop!" and then wants to sit on the toilet, although unfortunately she hasn't figure out how to use it besides clog it with toilet paper.
• Her hip swinging and major bouncing whenever she hears music is hilarious and so cute.
• She waves to everyone and always says "bye-bye" to the cashiers at the store.
• Her smile! She melts me with it.

Thoughts & Feelings

My brother Dixon painted this beautiful picture for me.

How are you? It seems like such a loaded question these days. Before Nov 19 I'd just throw a good or great out there and get onto more "important" parts of the conversation. Now I actually have to pause and think. Pretty good? Good Considering? Ok? Horrible?...and now it really just depends. I think I'm handling things pretty well...but then my child just died, shouldn't I be handling things worse? He is my son after all. I don't want people to have to conversationally tiptoe around me. I like, no love, talking about my kids. Even the one I only got five short days with. The only problem is I do hate crying in front of people, but I'm slowly learning that doesn't matter anymore.

I think I'm doing well. I have days where I can think of my baby Dane and feel happiness and go about the day. There are days I would just like to lay in bed, think of him, and cry. I'm realizing that there are things in life worth crying about...and often.

Right now its the little random things that are hard. Seeing others with their babies or pregnant women hasn't been hard. Going past the maternity department at the store really hurt. Three weeks earlier I would have stopped there just to see if there was anything that would make my growing belly look cute.
Opening the fridge to find my glucose drink for my gestational diabetes test at my next doctors visit was very hard. I hate that test, have complained about it often and now I wonder if I had even made it that much longer, maybe things would have turned out different. But those are the thoughts that get me in trouble, that hurt. What if I'd gotten the surgery doctors are recommending now, even though they weren't before. What if I had stayed by Dane's side and talked to him his whole short life. I remember reading that babies that young recognize their mothers voice, but can that stop bleeding in the brain? Did we make the right choice in letting him go peacefully? I have to stop these guilt ridden thoughts and remember that evening of November 19th. Holding my perfect, beautiful, tiny baby boy. Watching him slowly slip away, knowing even though I am his mother there was nothing I could do for him but hold him; While at the same time I was letting him go. Pure peace. That's what I felt that night and what I must remember in the dark moments of my grief.

It might seem odd that the memory of the moment of my son's death is what helps me most in grieving over losing him but that is exactly what helps. Holding him I felt love, peace, in fact joy. Ultimately I felt the spirit. Yes I was still sad and it was still hard...very hard but I made it through it and that night has changed my life forever.

So how am I now? I miss my baby Dane. I wish I could hold him, feed him, even change those nursing mustard poop diapers. I cry more easily, I have days that are hard, but don't we all. Dane's life and death has made me feel more love that ever before. Love for Dane, love for Hayes & Kamri and for Bracken. I have also never felt so much love from family, friends and even acquaintances. I am amazed at the outpouring our little family has received, every comment online, every card, phone call, text, call, visit or prayer has helped us in our grieving of Dane's death. Little Dane's life and death has taught me of God's love. I have never struggled with or grieved as intensely over anything else in my life but the love I have felt and Christs atonement have lessened my pain considerably. So although for now I don't really have an answer for how I'm doing, I know that slowly through time I'll be able to answer "good" or "Great!" without having to think about it first.

Sometimes you need a good laugh

Not only one but TWO screaming babies
Kamri's death grip
Xander with a scraped up face pretending to be Santa
Hayes sneaking a candy cane and realizing he's caught
Bracken & Mac smiling huge, Brooke and I are going to assume they were trying to be good examples but it just MIGHT have been because they were enjoying torturing their kids.
Santa unsure if he should put his hand on Hayes or not....aren't these normally a kid on the lap kind-of-pictures, not some awkward looking family picture??
The BEST part??..... somehow Brooke & I did not make it into the picture :)