Hope

"Hope is the antidote for despair.  It may not solve the problem, or immediately remove the burden, but it can buoy us up and give us the strength and courage we need to go on."

"To look up to God when life presses in with crushing, relentless pressure may seem counter-intuitive--especially if one feels abandoned by God in the first place--but that is exactly what hope asks of us. And the promise is, if we do, our burdens can be removed or lightened, or we can be strengthened so we can bear them successfully."

"Hope is not a wish, it's the powerful promise of better things."

-From "Look Up, My Soul; The Divine Promise of Hope" by Gerald N. Lund

Bracken bought this book for me because he thought I would like it.  I am only two chapters in and loving it.

Lyla's middle name is Hope because she taught me a lot about it.  At church when I would hear Faith, Hope & Charity I always wondered why hope was in there. I could see why faith & charity are needed, but hope? If you have faith isn't hope redundant? Hope is for kids, like I hope I get ice cream tonight or I hope I get to stay up late.  Then I got pregnant with Lyla.  After having Dane at 26 weeks and saying goodbye to him four days later, I was more than nervous to get pregnant again. I also knew I wanted to get pregnant again and there was another baby in our family. I coped by not thinking of the ramifications of being pregnant, that I might not have the opportunity to raise this baby.

Everyone would ask how I felt and I felt fine about being pregnant. Then one day as I was nearing the middle of my pregnancy I panicked. I had a baby inside me...that could die. I might have to live through saying goodbye again. Anxiety set in, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I remember sitting in the rocking chair just crying, what had I done to myself? The physical pain alone with Dane's birth was enough to scare me. I decided to pray to try to calm myself down and I had this feeling I needed to read scriptures about hope. I looked in the topical guide (index) about hope and started reading.  There was not a specific scripture that stuck out but I started feeling calm. Then the thought came that this baby deserved for me to be excited about my pregnancy.  That I needed to live with hope. I was doing my part by getting pregnant again, God could do his part by helping me be strong enough to mentally get through it.  Even hope did not make it so my pregnancy was a fairy tale,but hope gave me the reassurance that with God's help I could joyfully make it through this. (okay I was not ALWAYS joyful laying on the couch all day but I did try to have a good attitude!)

After that day I never felt that kind of anxiety about being pregnant again.  There were still plenty of prayers and times of worry but I was excited for what was up ahead.  Lyla could still be born early but she was growing inside me, she was already a part of our family, whether in this life or after.

Reading about hope again has been a great reminder to me. Even though I am not living through a hard trial at this moment in my life there are times when I let little worries burden me down. There are times I go through the actions of life instead of enjoying them.  Life isn't meant to be trodden through. We can have joy, even through tough times because life is beautiful.  Tonight watching Lyla smile as she crawled through the soft green grass, laughing as it tickled her knees confirmed that.